Polite listening is about being quiet and not interrupting the person who is speaking. It’s about listening intently to what the other person is saying and being genuinely interested in it. But that’s only scratching the surface of listening.
By contrast, generous listening is a whole mind-body experience. It’s about creating an inner and outer space where you can be present, open, and available to bringing forth an exchange of words, stories, and feelings that were there but not previously connected or expressed.
If you want to have meaningful conversations with your clients that go beyond the usual fact-finding, start with being “present” for the conversation.
Be Self-Aware
One of the benefits of doing a podcast is the conversations are recorded. I always listen to each of mine and invariably, I notice missed opportunities where I didn’t follow a particular thread or failed to see the gold in something my guest said and, instead, I quickly moved to the next segment. And as much as I try to be present for every conversation, I know that I bring my biases, my expectations, and my ego to every conversation. Often times, they limit what could have led to an insightful “bringing forth” of an aha moment.
Just being aware that we have blind spots and using that awareness to be on the lookout for them (like me listening to my podcast recordings) is a good first step toward shining a light on what is currently blinding you. And by the way, one of my blind spots is I say “So” all the time on my podcasts! Not the biggest sin in the world but even I get annoyed sometimes hearing it on the replay.
Self-awareness is like a direction. I can travel west and keep going and going and going. Likewise, with self-awareness, I can keep going deeper and deeper and deeper. And the deeper I go, the more meaningful my conversations will be.
Bring Forth
A discovery process that is simply a recitation of the facts is not a discovery process.
Discovery, by definition, is about gaining sight of or knowing something that was previously unseen or unknown. So, when I say, “bring forth,” what I’m talking about is making a distinction between “the facts” of your client’s situation and “the connections between those facts” that generates a new realization.
For example, one of my advisor clients told me about a discovery conversation he had with a new client. Over the course of the conversation, they were able to bring forth some new connections and, shortly after, the client sent him an email that said, “Leading up to this meeting, we thought it was money that was causing all the problems but…we realized there is more than money we need to work on and that we may be doing things counteractive to our goals as a family…”
What I can offer you here is two-fold. First, be present in your conversations. Doing so creates the openness for new discovery to happen.
And second, focus less on asking questions that lead to factual recitation and more on questions that lead to making new connections between past experiences and future possibilities.
Click here to learn more about ROL Advisor’s digital discovery tools, then sign up for a 7-day trial to become a better Life Centered Financial Planner, and finally, schedule a demo.